Picking up on the “As Seen on TV” craze and popularity of such merchandise as the Snuggie, ShamWow!, and any other item shilled by loud, obnoxious spokespersons, the gang decides to market their own Paddy’s merchandise. Spurred on by a merchandising convention, each of the gang comes up with their own heinous ideas to try to pitch at the event.

Inspired by Charlie’s homemade commercial for Kitten Mittens (geared towards noisy cats), the rest of the gang sets about creating their own items to hawk at the pub.  Dee insists that as per a contract she signed, she gets 100% of the rights to all Paddy’s merchandise.  Insisting that it was just something they had her sign to justify her working for slave wages, Dennis hands Mac the contract, which he promptly eats.  Charlie decides he wants to patent Kitten Mittens before the rest of the gang steals his idea and Dee wants to seek legal counsel to see if eating a contract renders it null and void.  Meanwhile, Dennis and Mac team up, excluding Frank who has some ideas of his own.

Dennis sticks to the classics, with a Paddy’s thong which he proudly models for Mac.  On the flipside, Mac’s winning idea for Paddy’s pub merchandise is the Dick Towel, a long, wraparound towel with varying sizes of a cartoon version of the male anatomy on either side.  (And yes, the good folks at It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia even have a website of their own for the Dick Towel.)

Frank, who wasn’t included in the fun, busts in with a busty young lass and his latest creation, a Shot Gun: a small handgun which shoots out liquor.  Although Dennis and Mac veto Frank’s idea, they secretly plan to improve upon it and create a much larger version of the Shot Gun using, well… a shot gun to fire shots into the mouths of patrons.  They also go about getting even bustier women to help sell their product. 

Meanwhile, Charlie and Dee visit The Lawyer who is more than tired of their non-paying ways.  They ask him for help to market and copyright their ideas, although he refuses to work with them.  After finding out that The Lawyer’s wife wants a divorce, they go about trying to figure out how to get them back together as a means to bribe him.  When that doesn’t work, they pick up a hooker (played by Rock of Love’s Heather Chadwell) for The Lawyer and offer her as payment.  Mac and Dennis come up with a similar idea and burst into The Lawyer’s office.

After putting together their own sub-YouTube style commercials, it turns out that Charlie’s idea for Kitten Mittens gets purchased and the Shot Gun doesn’t get picked up.  Either way, no one makes out since the gang blindly signed contracts/restraining orders that grant him 100% of the rights to their merchandise and call for them to stay away from him or face arrest. 

Overall, this was a pretty funny episode, although the miniature commercials for each of the Paddy’s products provided the highlights.  Once again, Season 5 of It’s Always Sunny shows the gang will stop at nothing to backstab each other in the name of a buck.  Only eight episodes into the season, you can only imagine just how much lower they’ll sink.  I, for one, can’t wait to see it!