Annie, the quirky artist who found herself vying for the hand of VH1 reality TV personality, Frank the Entertainer, on a dating show, has blogged about penetrating the ranks of reality television casting and attempting to shatter gender stereotypes.  Bust.com features Annie’s series of blogs entitled “Shaming Famewhores” detailing her experiences in trying to crack the “Famewhore” code by creating a carefully crafted character that would appeal to the producers of Frank the Entertainer in A Basement Affair and fill the token “whacky chick” niche all-but required within the reality show’s microcosm. 

While Annie maintains in her blog that she did develop strong feelings and an attraction to Frank, she initially came to the show with the intent create a piece of performance art as a character of her own creation and to dismantle many of the negative female stereotypes perpetuated by reality dating shows.  Having won over the producers by pulling an Andy Kaufman of the highest calibre, Annie landed the gig by making them believe she was just a daffy darling with an artistic side who would attempt to woo Frank with her charm and personality, rather than the usual high-hoisted hooters and bouncing backsides typical to the reality dating show “type.” 

Recognizing that there is a general stereotype created by the editors and producers of these shows, Annie set about to shatter it, cloaking herself in the guise of a persona that would fulfill a certain quotient that A Basement Affair may have been lacking to propel its manufactured drama.  Annie’s role was to be the desexualized sweetheart – the anti-vamp in a house full of sexpots — posing the question to the audience at home if Frank could be attracted to a girl without conventional “model” looks and who didn’t overtly play up her sexuality in the usual manner of a typical female reality dating show contestant.

Over time, Annie found her created character evolving and the producers decided to paint her as the underdog of the group – shy, sweet, and the most “real” gal in the house full of contestants.  In her blog, she mentions that this more natural extension of who she really was as a person stemmed from her genuine feelings for Frank Maresca, the show’s protagonist and a desire to not base a potential romance on artifice.

The premise of doesn’t deviate from the usual “reality” dating show: 15 girls compete to win the affections of one guy.  Week by week, one girl at a time is eliminated because of a lack of a “connection” with the show’s main subject.  The twist on this particular VH1/51 Minds collaboration is that the girls are throwing themselves at unemployed VH1 reality stud muffin, Frank the Entertainer who lives in his parents’ basement.  The girls not only have to win the approval of Frank, but the parents’ whose home he resides in, as well.

On the latest episode, Annie found herself eliminated during a Big Band crooning challenge in which the girls had to sing songs about their love for Frank.  Ultimately, Frank eliminated her not because of her performance during the challenge, but because he had no real romantic connection with her despite valuing her friendship.  However, Annie’s hilarious “impromptu” rap, chock full of profanity performed in front of Frank, his parents, and the rest of the girls in the house saw her “breaking character” in a very public way that the writer/performance artist realized could not simply be edited out by the producers at a later date.

My lyrical outburst was an attempt to illustrate and also poke fun of my frustration and inability to perform my own sex appeal in a socially normal way. Rather than sing romantically, dance sensually or even act respectably, I wanted to throw these expectations of me out the window. I wanted to break character in a forum production would not be able to edit out. I wanted everyone, both people on the show and viewers at home, to see the ridiculous game of expectations we were all playing. I didn’t want to allow production to be rid of me for not fulfilling the role of the “accepted” female mate. I wanted them to be rid of me for making a mockery of them to increase ratings rather than the other way around. 

Production, using Frank as a proxy, attempted to use the “friendship only” feelings he had towards me as an excuse to let me go. But in fact production wanted me gone because I had stepped out of the role I was assigned in a significant way. Production could not reconcile this difference in character for an audience and now being uncertain in the role I would be able to fulfill for them, had to let me go. By showing my true colors as a performer rather than a potential mate, I temporarily disrupted the illusion of reality production carefully crafts.

You can read more of Annie’s blog and her observations on the negative stereotypes put forth by reality television producers, as well as experiences on A Basement Affair at her Bust.com hub page.  I, for one, would love to high-five this lady!  Well played!

With sweet, slightly off-kilter Renee gone, not much grieving is done for everyone’s favorite whipped cream-slingin’ serial fiancé. Things kick off immediately with the girls being assigned to their next challenge: Frank loves to croon and wants a woman who can sing back to him.  After launching into a little ditty of his own, he tells the girls that they will be split into three teams of two with one girl as a spotlight soloist for this challenge.  The teams will be assigned a topic and some Sinatra-style big band croon tune to pen their masterpieces to, then will be expected to perform them for him.  The winning team gets a date with Frank.

Not much of the girls in the actual composition stage is shown, except for Annie talking about how nervous she gets having to perform and Kerry — as a one-woman team — agonizing over having to write the instant-classic, “Frank Loves Muscle Tees.” 

That night, the girls dress up in gorgeous evening gowns for their performance onstage at the Gotham Comedy Club in Manhattan.  It’s all sorts of classy and swanky with a low stage where the girls perform for the esteemed panel of judges: Frank and his parents.  Mama Maresca snarks that the ladies better sing and dance appropriately as this isn’t a gentlemen’s club.  Lighten up, Francis! 

Cathy and Melissa are up first in matching blue satin ballgowns.  Prior to going onstage, Minnesota gal Melissa talks about how she sweats a lot, which is somewhat appropriate for the song they had to write and perform, “Frank Loves Working Out.” (Is anyone else feeling the Ode to Narcissism vibe here?) Onstage, fortunately, Melissa’s satin remained pristine without any unsightly perspiration marks.  Too bad her singing didn’t fare so well.  Chatty Cathy’s pipes weren’t too bad, but the duo were so off key that even Frank had to yell out “Is there any singing in this!?!” There’s a couple faint sexual overtones in the song that Super Censor Mama Maresca doesn’t catch with Frank “growing big and strong” in the song — something Cathy probably knows a lot about from last week’s basement hijinx. 

Mercifully, the song comes to an end and Felicia and Melody take the stage to perform “Frank Loves Video Games.”  The routine is kind of cutesy and reminiscent of “The Sweeney Sisters” skits from SNL with Felicia and Melody bantering with one another and talking about jumping over mushrooms and throwing in a “Sonic Boom!” for good measure.  Mama Maresca mistakes the Super Mario mushroom ad-lib as a drug reference.  Hooo boy!

From there, Kerry’s solo, “Frank Loves Muscle T’s” starts off on the right food.  Kerry writhes around in her skintight black mermaid gown, cooing in a sexy voice about Frank’s arms… Before she forgets the rest of the lyrics and has to Sarah Palin them off of a printed page.  Kerry’s routine prompts Mama Maresca to comment that she didn’t think Marilyn Monroe wiggled around that much when she sang “Happy Birthday” to JFK.  Oh, Mama!  You’re such a little Puritan!

Initially, Dana was stoked to work with her partner, Annie — AKA – The Sweetest Girl in the House on the song “Frank Loves Sleeping In.”  She soon changed her tune by the end of it.  Things start off on a predictably cutesy note until Annie’s nerves get the better of her.  In the middle of Dana’s solo in the song, Annie tells her to stop, ’cause it’s Hammer Time and Annie wants to “get freaky.”  From there, Annie gets all 2 Live Crew and rips into a profanity laced rap entitled “Goin’ Down Frank’s Basement” where “it’s not about the **BLEEP**” and you can “**BLEEP** all night… Yeah.” 

In short, Annie’s rap is awesome and the best thing about performance night.  The shocked looks on the faces of Frank, his parents, and the rest of the girls don’t quite say the same thing, however.  Frank’s parents are appalled and Dana is mortified, rushing off the stage in tears because she couldn’t sing the part that she wrote especially for Frank and Annie’s impromptu performance all-but guaranteed they lost the challenge.

Frank’s parents are shocked, if anything because they never expected to hear those words come out of Annie’s mouth.  Dana is still harping on this and tries to play “the parent card,” suggesting that she wants to slap Annie for singing obscenities in front of his parents. Annie tries to apologize to Dana, but she’s not having any of it.

Melody, the resident peace-keeper tries to comfort Annie who is sincerely apologetic for what she did and feels bad that she hurt Dana.  Dana, in turn, gets gangsta angry at Melody for trying to comfort Annie, telling the rest of the girls, “That’s how you get your ass beat, acting like that.” Even thought they were previously house-besties, Dana takes exception to the fact that Melody is nice to everyone, particularly Annie.  Melody has no idea that Dana is p.o.-ed at her and then tries to console her, too.  Dana brushes her off as someone who plays both sides of the fence. 

The tension continues before Frank announces the winners, Felicia and Melody. Their date begins right there as Frank sings to them and they have a romantic dinner at the swanky comedy club while the rest of the girls have dinner with Mama and Papa Maresca.

Back at the house, Dana calls her mom and freaks out, ready to go all ghetto on Melody’s ass. Dana’s mom pretty much encourages her to deck Melody, who Dana keeps referring to as “an old lady.”  Cathy and Kerry are freaked out by Dana’s threats towards the most harmless girls in the house (first Renee, now Annie and Melody), as well as Dana’s raging anger issues.  

Outside, Frank has a chat with Annie.  He tells her that if it was just him, she could have said whatever the hell she wanted in the song and dropped as many f-bombs as she pleased, but just not in front of his parents. Annie feels like she had to do something to try to get his attention and tells him that she has genuinely strong feelings for Frank.  She also asks him that if he doesn’t have feelings for her, to not string her along and let her grow more attached to him, and just cut her loose.

At dinner in the Maresca house, things are pretty tense. Dana doesn’t want to eat dinner with Melody and Annie and things get even worse when the Maresca’s kooky neighbor, Marianne drops by for a visit.  Apparently, Marianne has been gifted with the second sight and can read olive oil to divine the girls’ fortunes.  She predicts that Melissa will have four kids, although Frank wants even more than four.  She tells Kerry that people like her.  Marianne then tells Cathy that she has recently “gotten close” with someone.  Melissa chugs from her glass of wine as flashbacks to last week’s “Show me that ass” moment in Frank’s basement roll. 

From there, Marianne tells Dana that she has a “dark cloud” in her life.  Felicia doesn’t buy it when Marianne first thinks that Felicia had a breakup, then switches her tune to saying that she keeps her distance from people.  Felicia maintains that Marianne is “full of oil.”  When Marianne gets to Melody, she tells her first that it appears she’s been cursed with “the Evil Eye” (or what Italians refer to as the “Malochio”).  Everyone sits back and thinks Dana must really hate Melody, but then Marianne tells her that perhaps Melody isn’t what she seems to be.  This gets Frank and his parents thinking.  Even though everyone has really liked Melody for awhile, the kooky neighbor gets them wondering if Melody actually is as sweet and night as she appears.

Afterwards, it’s Elimination and Dana declares that she’s in “war mode.”  Blah, blah.  She’s not here to make friends, she’s here for Frank and all that jazz.  Melody doesn’t care if everyone thinks she’s fake, she knows she’s real and hopes Frank realizes it, too.  Annie then realizes that she will probably find more constructive ways to get Frank’s attention. 

At Eliminations, Felicia is again the first to get Frank’s key as he tells her that her sense of humor is a definite check in the plus column.  Kerry gets the second key, while Dana gets the third, gloating that she has one and Melody doesn’t have hers yet.

Melody and Annie both find themselves in the bottom two. Melody states her case that she’s not here to be anyone else but herself and hopes that’s good enough for Frank.   Annie only wants to stay if Frank sees her as something more than a friend. Frank calls Annie forward and says that he knows she has real feelings for him, but ultimately, he has to follow his own feelings and he sees Annie as more of a friend than a girlfriend.  They hug goodbye and Annie goes home.  Frank’s parents are sad to see her go, and they’ve already forgotten Annie’s foray into Li’l Kim territory.  Annie wishes Frank the best and tells the camera that she was glad he didn’t string her along and now she can move on… And that she’s more used to guys competing for her than competing for a guy herself.  Aww!  I’m going to miss sweet, quirky, fun Annie!

Frank awards the last key to Melody, telling her that he hopes she’s here for the right reasons.  Melody tells him she thinks he knows she’s really here for him.  Frank expresses some concern that she’s closer with his parents than him, but hopefully, things change.  Dana scowls angrily as the girls raise their glasses and the previews for next week’s ep roll.

This week, it’s Family Weekend at the Pasadena Rehab Center.  This episode and Family weekend should have just retitled itself “Layne Staley’s Mom is the Coolest, Nicest Woman Ever.” Seriously.

Things open up with Mike Starr in a maudlin mood, sitting on his bed and listening to old Alice in Chains albums. He tells Resident Technician Shelley that this is the only way he can hear Layne Staley, the lead singer of the band who died eight years ago from a drug overdose. In his one-on-one therapy session, Mike talks about his longtime friendship with Staley and how the night he was kicked out of Alice in Chains, he was shot up by both Layne Staley and Kurt Cobain the night he was kicked out of Alice in Chains. 

Following Mike’s therapy session with Dr. Drew, it’s revealed that this weekend will be Family Weekend! This is the rehab equivalent of Christmas when close friends and family get to visit and the patients can now meet their family as sober individuals.

Among some of the people who will be arriving are Layne Staley’s mother, Nancy, who Mike hasn’t seen in eight years since his friend’s death.  She arrives with Mike’s own mother, Gail, who talks about how Mike has a Jekyll and Hyde persona when he’s using.  When he’s not using, he’s a great guy.  Nancy, Layne Staley’s mother gives Mike a hug and shows a lot of support and understanding towards him, absolving him of any guilt in her son’s death.  Mike admits that he could have or should have dialed 911 the night Layne overdosed, but he was so doped up on pills himself.  Plus, Layne said he would never speak to him again if he called the police on him. 

In turn, Nancy tells him that Layne had went to rehab 13 times and that her son was embarrassed about his addictions.  She remarked that he was a beautiful, talent man who squandered his talents with drug abuse.  She encourages Mike and the other patients to lead a boring, predictable, non-celebrity life free of addiction.  Once they’re off of the substances, they can realize how wonderful and rich that “boring, predictable” life away from the limelight can be, giving them a lot of health and happiness.  Seriously.  Layne Staley’s mother is pure awesome.

As for the rest of the patients’ family, Kari-Ann talks about how she has disappointed her family, particularly her brothers who arrive to support her.  She wants to be someone who doesn’t disappoint her family. 

Dennis Rodman’s wife and kids visit and it’s rather awkward.  His wife tells Dr. Drew that she had lost trust in him.  He laughs it off as “comical,” and she retaliates by telling him he doesn’t have a clue.  She also drops a bombshell on Dr. Drew that they have been living separately for some time now and wants to file for divorce.  Ouch.  Even after that, Dennis still seems to have a rather Zen, nonchalant approach to things.

Heidi’s sister, friend, and one of her favorite feathered friends show up and Heidi is elated.  Afterwards, a party planner named Lash arrives to help the patients put together an awesome, Asian-inspired dinner.  Along with Resident Technician Shelley, Lash and the rest of the crew head on down to Chinatown to pick up some authentic Asian food and decorations. While there, Kari-Ann decides that she needs a giant papier mache dragon that’s hanging from the ceiling.  Needs.  Kari-Ann throws a ginormous temper tantrum when she finds out that the dragon is nearly $600 and waaaaaay out of the budget, stomping out of the store. 

Prior to the dinner, Heidi has a run in with the other female, blonde technician who isn’t quite as nice as Stern Shelley.  She tells her that her bird, who’s eating some scattered rose petals, is a distraction and has to leave.  Heidi leaves in a huff and goes off to sit by herself with a bird. 

At the dinner, Mindy gets up to sing a song that she wrote in prison while montage footage of all the patients throughout the years is shown on the big screen in the dining hall. Images of the patients when they were young and sober were juxtaposed against later pictures of them at the worst stages of their addiction, sometimes including mug shots. 

After the dinner, Heidi is hanging out isolated with her bird.  She tells Dr. Drew that she doesn’t want to stay, but just wants to be away from people.  She has no desire to get high, but she realizes that she came in lonely and now understands why she’s glad that she’s alone.  Dr. Drew counters telling her that she likes people and people like her.  She decides to leave in her blue Toyota while Dr. Drew looks on, confident she’ll be back.   She might be, but what sort of shape she’ll be in is debatable since clips from next week’s episode show that Heidi ended up flipping her car in a near-fatal crash.  Also on tap next week, Kari-Ann gets into public exhibitionism and body painting as a group activity which doesn’t go over too big with the rest of the staff.

This week opens up with Felicia Kerry and Cathy, all snug in their beds, calling themselves the “A-Listers”  It’s kind of funny considering that Cathy was all about throwing Felicia under the bus last week.

Elsewhere in the Maresca house, Renee is calling her Mom yet again, asking for more advice and is told to be herself. We later learn that “being herself” constitutes being a whipped-cream sucking freak with a costume fetish.  Awesome!

Meanwhile, Frank delivers his public service message that the girls need to be dressed to impress at a family party in under an hour.  Many of the girls feel that their outfits they’ve packed are too sexy for a family party.  Felicia, being somewhat more conservative in her style, is nice enough to loan Cathy one of her tops to hold back the hooters. Again, I find this rather odd considering how Cathy was all about throwing her under the bus last week.

The girls later find out that they’re bound for a party for Frank’s parents’ 39^th wedding anniversary.  Their challenge is to meet and greet the entire Maresca family — and extended family.  They have to win over the entire crowd, not just an odd aunt or uncle.  As a prize, the winner gets a one-on-one romantic date with Frank.

The girls set about to mingling and Felicia does a great job talking to each member of the family, offering to get them drinks.  Dana also seems to do well.  This week, however, Annie feels like she’s got a barrier to conquer with being somewhat socially awkward and turns into a total wallflower.

Melissa seems to be a hit with Frank’s namesake, Grandpa Frank who heard that she crushes beer cans with her boobs and asks for a demonstration.  Melissa looks mortified and runs away when Grandpa Frank produces a beer can. (Uncle Frank gets two thumbs up in my book!) 

Even with her sullied rep as The Crusher, Melissa is still doing better than Renee who is doing a bang-up job telling the entire family that she walked down the aisle and how her liar of a fiancé dumped her.  Yeah.  Way to exercise some discretion, Renee.

After Frank makes his toast to his parents, he informs the girls that tonight, it’s his family’s decision and not his to decide who wins the challenge.  The family already has some notions about each of the girls.  Frank’s cousin thinks Kerry looks like an orange.  Lori, Frank’s sister, is not a fan of “The Crusher,” but loves fellow MBA-chick Felicia, even though several of the guys think she looks evil with her arched eyebrows.

To cap off their challenge, the girls have to make an anniversary toast to Ma and Pa Maresca.  Kerry is up first and does well enough. Melody comes across as ver sweet and tells Gary and Susan that she’s fallen in love with them like she has with Frank before morphing into a puddle of tears.  While this would be irritating with anyone else, Frank’s parents say that they would be happy to have Melody in their family.

Cathy, on the other hand, makes the Maresca family look mute by comparison and gives a mind-numbing, painfully long speech.   Melissa awkwardly laughs her way through an awful speech, while Annie manages to come off as cute and sweet.  Up next is Dana Downer who tears up and talks about her own parents’ divorce.  Felicia’s speech is short, yet classy.  Renee is up last and gets all sorts of teary and goofy with her speech, which prompts Mama Maresca to tell the camera that she thinks Renee and her two failed engagements have no business getting  all Ann Landers on her.

Following the toasts, Frank passes out surveys to his family guests and they choose a girl for each category.  The men in the family thought Kerry was the hottest girl, and then thought Felicia was the most likely to get him out of the basement.  Kerry and Melody were voted likely to be best Mom, while Felicia would host best Christmas dinner. Although it came really close between Kerry and Felicia, Felicia turns up as the ultimate winner who gets the date with Frank. 

Annie feels like crap because she blew her shot by being shy, while Chatty Cathy is super upset that she hasn’t won a challenge.

After making their exit from the party, Frank takes Felicia on a romantic date, overlooking the Brooklyn Bridge and one of his favorite spots.  Sipping champagne, Frank comes off as really sweet and compliments Felicia on her brains and beauty.  He gives her a gift for winning over her whole family: a framed photo of her with the family. She says how she wishes she had something to give back to him.  Frank gives her another gift, giving Felicia her key a day in advance, telling her that she doesn’t have to wait until tomorrow’s eliminations to know she’s safe for having won over his whole family.

Back at the house, Renee whines to the rest of the girls that she feels hurt that she wasn’t picked. Cathy is still complaining about her lack of “alone time” with Frank, but decides to make her own opportunity by sneaking downstairs to the basement.   They cover up the cameras and Frank asks to see her ass.  Seriously.  Now that’s some romance right there. 

Three minutes later,  Cathy and Frank are shown on-camera coming up with a cover story that they gave each other massages, watched a game and then fell asleep. 

Upstairs, some of the girls notice that Cathy’s bed hasn’t been slept in and begin making assumptions with Melissa leading the charge. Renee is freaked out by Frank possibly having had sex with Cathy, while Melissa doesn’t like the thought of being sloppy seconds.  Sweet little romantic Annie mentions that if Cathy and Frank had sex, that would change the entire dynamic of the house and would mean that those two had a bond that no one else had with Frank.  Meanwhile, Kerry keeps harping that she and Cathy are best friends and if Cathy had sex with Frank, she feels confident that she’d tell her. Kerry spills the beans to Cathy and tells her that Melissa had been spreading rumors that Cathy had sex with Frank.  Cathy decides to tell Frank about what was going on and that she’s not too thrilled with it.  Frank isn’t too pleased, either, because if Frank’s parents find out, they’ll be pretty angry.

Inspired by Cathy’s bold move, Renee then decides to sneak on down to the basement herself to give Freaky Frankie a show of her own, dressed in a Moulin Rouge-style barmaid costume and hides in his closet.  Seriously. 

Outside, Frank has a talk with Melissa, chiding her that she shouldn’t have been spreading rumors.  Melissa admits to him that she was jealous and wished it was her in the basement with him.  Frank seems pretty forgiving, but worn out by the drama, he retires to his basement where Renee jumps out of the closet, scaring the bejeezus out of him. She likes costumes and has a collection of them and then proceeds to take a can of whipped cream to Frank’s stomach and licks it off.  Frank is seriously creeped out and I can’t say I blame him as Renee laughs maniacally and looks as if she’ll bust out with a rousing chorus of “I will not be ignored” at any second.

At eliminations, it’s revealed that Felicia already got her key.  Kerry gets the second key was considered the one to be the best fit in the family. Frank gives Cathy the third key and touts just how much “fun” she is and says that he wants to hang out with her more.  If only Mama and Papa Maresca had a clue as to just how fun Cathy really is!

It’s down to the bottom two with Melissa and Renee.  Frank humiliates Renee by telling everyone all about her jumping out of his closet in a costume, painting him with whipped cream.  She justifies herself by saying that Frank said he was a freak and wanted to see her freaky side.  Frank then tells her that this was beyond freaky and raised to Red Alert Freaky Deaky level that set off all sorts of red flags (along with her string of failed engagements.)  He gives her a hug and sends her on her merry, freaky little way.  I kind of felt bad for Renee, as loony as she was.  It seemed like she was singled out for humiliation and to be laughed at. 

With her gone, that means Melissa gets to stay, and should thank her lucky stars that Renee was such a freak.

After last week’s cliffhanger, Tom Sizemore ends up staying at the Pasadena Rehab Center, not really needing much prodding from Dr. Drew, who points out the nature of addiction.  In the span of a few minutes, Tom cycled from wanting to sober up, to wanting to leave, to choosing sobriety again.  As an added bonus, his girlfriend Monroe will also be checking in for treatment, as well.  However, the dynamic duo will need to be separated as it isn’t recommended for couples to be in the exact same treatment program. 

Meanwhile, new girl in town, Kari Ann Peniche is making all sorts of friends all over the place.  She incurs the Wrath of Shelly when she dawdles around putting together a cute outfit and carefully applying makeup so that she can go to the group session.  Since the group must do everything as a group, the rest of the gang is held up from jumping right in since they have to wait around for Kari Ann. 

In group therapy, the gang gangs up on Kari Ann, not really digging her diva attitude.  Mackenzie tries to be nice and tells her that she doesn’t have to dress up for group therapy.  She also tries to play amateur psychologist to Kari Ann (even though a qualified professional like Dr. Drew is in the room presiding over the session), telling her that her need to dress up and be “perfect” stems from her desire to constantly please others and not herself, worrying about others’ perceptions of her.  Kari Ann then snaps back, telling everyone that she’s not offended that no one else has any sort of pride in their appearance when they come to group therapy, so they shouldn’t be offended that she cares about what she looks like.  She then stomps off to her room to sleep, detox, and retreat from the rest of the group.

Upon waking up, Kari Ann is in full-blown antagonistic mode, taking it out on Mackenzie.  She fiddles with her hair, walking up and down the coridors of where Mackenzie is hanging with the rest of the patients, loudly wailing, “but I’m a mother!!!” over and over again, mocking Mackenzie’s lament upon being busted for possession at the airport.  Harsh.

Not taking it lying down, Mackenzie confronts Kari Ann in her room, telling her that what she did was wrong.  While I think Mackenzie should mind her own business and not try to leech off of the other patients and attempt to diagnose them rather than tending to her own sobriety, I agree that Kari Ann was way out of line and just cruel.  Kari Ann ups the Mean Girls ante and tells Mackenzie that she’s an “ugly old woman” and doesn’t care if she has her friendship or not after Mac calls her out as a “rude little girl.” 

The other revelation — or non-revelation — in the group therapy sessions with Dr. Drew and later with Technician Shelly is that Dennis Rodman still refuses to identify himself as an addict or an alcoholic.  When everyone boldly states aloud their poison of choice, Rodman hedges and claims he never had a problem and still doesn’t.  In order to prove to Dennis that he does have some issues with booze, Dr. Drew takes him to the same brain analyst that he took Mindy to.  The results show that Dennis has some very small damage to his brain from the alcohol, but if he continued at the rate he did, this could end up resulting in Alzheimers or some other form of dementia down the line.  The brain waves and patterns also give some insight into Rodman’s outrageous and sometimes obstinate personality, as well.

In an effort to make the patients more comfortable with impending sobriety and admitting their demons, Dr. Drew brings in past Celebrity Rehab alumni, including Brigitte Nielsen, model Amber Smith, and former American Idol contestant, Jessica Sierra.  They each discuss their road to sobriety and the different phases they went through, discovering and re-discovering their lives.  Brigitte talks with Rodman in some one-on-one time, telling him that she sees a lot of similarities between the two of them and that she wants him to admit to himself that he has a problem so he can get better.

Speaking of all things “one day at a time,” Mackenzie has some one-on-one time with Dr. Drew.  However, a phone call from home that her beloved dog is dying.  She agonizes over whether to put him down or not, to ease the poor pooch’s suffering, but doesn’t want to leave rehab to do it.  She fears that having to ice her dog after leaving rehab may trigger her to fall off the wagon again, and that maybe it’s best for him and for her while she’s still in rehab to have him euthanized.  Once she makes up her mind to go through with it, Dr. Drew accompanies her for moral support, after getting some ice cream to give the dog before he goes for his last ride.  Mackenzie, her son, and ex-boyfriend bid a teary-eyed goodbye to the cute little Pug mix who slurps down the ice cream with gusto before sad, doggie-goes-bye-bye music plays in the background.

This week, new addition, Kari Ann Peniche is settling into the Pasadena Rehab clinic and is more than making herself at home.  Coming down off of her meth addiction, she’s all sorts of bitchy to one of the techs who asks her to come to group therapy.  Kari’s ‘tude gets turned up several more notches when she goes all Cheswick and demands that her assistant bring her some cigarettes.   Lisa D’Amato dubs her behavior “divalicious” (which is actually too kind) when Kari Ann pitches a hissy when she gets a soft pack of smokes instead of a hard one.  Her snide antics are met with a chorus of eye-rolls from Rodman, Mackenzie, Lisa, and especially the tech who would like to throw Kari Ann through a window.  

While Kari Ann’s issues are a tasty side dish, this episode focuses in mostly on the recovery and relationship between Heidi Fleiss and Tom Sizemore.  In group therapy, Heidi seems smarmily pleased that Tom, who once lived in a million dollar mansion, is now homeless.  He had lost his condo thanks to all of the substance he had dabbled in, too. 

Dr. Drew addresses Heidi’s issues with people, telling her that she should stop playing with her birds and being around people.  Heidi and Mike Starr both admit that they hate being around people, who are almost all invariably hangers on. 

Speaking of hangers-on, Tom Sizemore’s girlfriend, Monroe (and her Barack Obama belly top) come to visit Tom.  She rolls in with a giant suitcase, which the staff submits to  thorough inspection after her last visit, which included her pulling a mule and giving Tom some drugs while in treatment.  In light of her last visit, the staff request that Monroe to submit to a test to ensure that she’s clean. Monroe refuses to be tested (although she’s obviously on something) and is turned away.  Dr. Drew notes that it will be a huge problem for Tom to stay clean with his girlfriend still using.

From Tom’s newer girlfriend to his old one, Heidi voices her feelings on Tom.  She looks at herself and wonders how the hell she could have ever liked him, particularly now that he’s a scumbag and an older, homeless drug addict. She delves deeper into her feelings — or lackthereof — in her one-on-one session with Dr. Drew.  When Dr. Drew commends her for being strong enough to be able to stay in the same group therapy session with the man who once beat her bloody, she tells him that she has no emotion towards him.  For two months, she was very much in love with him, but when she left him, he threatened her all the time and demonstrated very creepy behavior towards Heidi.  Afterwards, he apologized for his behavior, but by then, Heidi had completely turned off all emotion towards him. 

When Dr. Drew asks her if she cares for him at all, Heidi tells him she’s apathetic towards him.  Whether good things or bad things happen to her ex, she would still feel the same.  She tells him that caring for Tom after all he had put her through and any feelings for him would make her weak.  Instead, Dr. Drew tells her that it would make her stronger to be able to feel and try to help him.

Seeing that Tom is in a quandary about his sobriety and taking it seriously, Dr. Drew asks Heidi to talk to Tom, remarking that it would be interesting to see the former couple re-introduced to each other as sober people. 

Their exchange is awkward and for once, I completely disagree with Dr. Drew.  As Heidi tells Tom that once, he was really strong and now he had fallen apart, pointing out the error of his ways, Tom starts to talk about their past — specifically, their sex life which Tom claims as some of the best he had ever had.  The second Heidi shows some level of vulnerability and genuine concern, Tom tries to take advantage of it.  She insists that the days of their wild sex are long gone, but I side with Heidi on this one for sticking to her guns and blowing him off. 

Afterwards, with most of the patients in the later stages of detox, Dr. Drew plans a field trip for them that will open their eyes to the ramifications of their disease.  They head to a church and see a large casket with flowers in front of them. While confronted with this dramatic prop, they’re introduced to former nurse and former “functioning alcoholic” Dani, who took the life of a man when she drove drunk to pick up her kids.  After serving four years in prison for her accidental act, she checked herself into rehab.  To this day, Dani is still haunted knowing that she took the life of someone’s husband and father. 

In spite of that sobering revelation, Tom Sizemore still doesn’t know how committed he is to his sobriety.  He has a one-on-one session with Dr. Drew and they discuss possibly getting his girlfriend in for treatment, as well.  Tom mentions that Monroe doesn’t know what it’s like to try to get sober and thinks it would be a good idea. 

After Monroe arrives, quite literally two seconds later, Tom starts sweating profusely as Dr. Drew begins to ask her if she wants to get sober alongside her boyfriend. She plays coy and starts smiling in a weird, airy-fairy way.  Then, Tom drops the bombshell that he wants to go home — which usually means that he wants to go get high or go have sex with Monroe.  Dr. Drew calls him out on sweating and it looks like we have to wait until next week to find out whether or not Tom stays in rehab.

The morning after Jenny and her naughty bits were sent packing, several of the girls in the Maresca house contemplate who has been hiding secrets. Felicia tries to quiz Kerry as to who it was that Cathy may have mentioned dating before, possibly someone famous. 

Obviously, Felicia didn’t get the memo that Cathy and Kerry are besties and Kerry ran directly to Chatty Cathy with the news that Felicia has been questioning her past dating history and warning her to be careful.  Cathy and Kerry then decide that they will attempt to bring Felicia down next.

Following that teensie bit of drama, that brings us to this week’s challenge.  Frank’s parents said that when Frank was a rambunctious kid, they had their hands full.  Suddenly, nine mini-Frankie Juniors bum rush the house.  It’s the responsibility of the remaining nine girls to make sure that the kids don’t get hurt, make sure they eat, and that the house doesn’t get destroyed.  Nine Frankie Juniors equals roughly one child for each of the  girls and Mama Maresca believes it should be a piece of cake.  After all, she worked full-time and cared for five kids.  Supposedly, this challenge is designed to see how good of a potential “mother” these girls will be to Frank’s potential kids, should he end up marrying and procreating with one of the remaining ladies.  (Talk about jumping the gun.)

In the on-camera interviews, Annie talks about how she really likes kids… However, after dealing with this bunch of boys, she’ll want to tie her own tubes after the Frank Juniors instantly begin jumping up and down on the couch and running amok in the house.

Adding to the fracas and against explicit instructions to not give the boys desert (and a sugar rush they don’t need), Renee goes and gives the boys ice cream so that they would all say “Yay! Renee’s the best baby sitter!”  Perhaps she should have shown them her collection of love notes she wrote to Frank to scare the crap out of the boys. 

Kerry tries to deach the boys how to dance with a lady and deals with the squadron of Frank Juniors’ answer to Problem Child, Will.  While Kerry doesn’t have too horrible of a time with Will, Christi, on the other hand elaborates that images of demonic, bed-sheet tearing, mess-making Will will flash before his eyes when she dies. 

Personally, I thought Will was hilarious, especially when several of the girls kept threatening to put him in “Time Out.”  When Christi tried the “Time Out” schpiel on Will, he shot back with the line of the night:   “There are no timeouts in this house right now, lady.”

The only one who was able to effectively and calmly deal with Will was Melody, who has been previously relegated to the background as one of the nice, normal, non-bitchy girls.  After taking him aside and telling him the value of being respectful, Will is all “please” and “thank you” — even around the ice cream.

The Marescas come home as Annie is attempting to clean up some of the mess.  Mama Maresca asseses the damage and sees that her antique loveseat (which, truthfully, looks like a futon version of Al Bundy’s couch), family pictures in frames are lying on the ground, and sheer havoc was wreaked on the lawn.  

As Mama and Papa Maresca berate the girls for not controlling the boys and having them tear up her house, Frank takes the kids downstairs to grill them as to who was the best mommy. The boys give him the lowdown that Kerry was really nice (and hot… One of the Frank Juniors expressed interest in wanting to ask her to the dance) and 21-year-old Christi yelled the most.

Demon Seed Will piped up that Melody was the only one who could control him, after asserting that he was the worst of the bunch.  Frank came upstairs to let the girls know the boys had helped him make his choice and Melody and Kids’ Choice Kerry won a family bowling date with Frank and his parents and the rest of the girls get to have dinner with Frank’s brother, Sal.

Bummed that she doesn’t have a date with him, Renee blathered to the other girls that Frank said “little things matter.” She takes this as inspiration to writ him yet another note, while hiding on the floor of her closet, scrawling it on a piece of notebook paper.  She slides it under the door to Frank’s room and scurries away.

Intrigued as to what comedy the note contains, Felicia decides to head to the kitchen and put some tape on the knife to slide it under the door and retrieve Renee’s letter.  While doing this, she almost gets busted by Frank and comes up empty handed.  

On Date Night, Frank requests that his parents go with him because he respects their opinion on the girls.  However, Mama and Papa Maresca admit to the camera that they think it’s because he wants them to pay.  

While Frank has been more Frank and less “entertaining” as “The Entertainer” this season, he heads back to his roots and starts to “entertain” his parents and the girls by throwing the bowling ball like a maniac, hurling it down the lane, between his legs, and doing crazy dances.  Mama Maresca suggests for him to “Have it come out of your ass. It’ll be even better.” 

On the bowling alley date, Frank slips away with Kerry to the Snack Bar for some one-on-one time with Kerry.  They have some decent chemistry together.  As does Melody who has a cute “getting-to-know-you date” with Frank. She tells him how much she loves his family (and sounds sincere about it!) and the two take several cute, semi-funny pictures together in the photo booth. 

Back at the house, the rest of the girls are having a cookout dinner with Frank’s brother, Sal, a 26-year-old single, Master’s Degree candidate.  The girls note that Minnesota Melissa is kind of flirty with Sal.  The girls and Sal drink to a great BBQ and  ”mother’s awesome hairdo.”

When Sal’s got the girls lulled into a sort of comfort zone, he grills the girls as to their worst breakup stories.  Felicia tells him about the French dude who told her that he loved her… but was “just having sex” with other women.  Other girls had similarly philanderous exes, with the exception of Christi who claimed to be still close friends with her ex-boyfriend. But fear not, because she just stopped hooking up with him as late as March, but they were more like “brother and sister.”  Sure, if that brother and sister were featured in the movie “Taboo.”  Riiight.

When Frank, his parents, Melody and Kerry return, Felicia decides to spring herself on Frank and get some face time with him.  Cathy interrupts them, telling Frank that she needs to talk to him.  In private, Cathy tells him that Felicia was asking about the person she may have dated.  Having reassured him that she’s “just there for Frank,” Chatty Cathy stops talking long enough to engage him in a solid round of tonsil hockey.

Meanwhile, little brother Sal further threw Felicia under the bus, mentioning how during the BBQ dinner, she talked a lot about her MBA and her dreams of being a CFO of a Fortune 500 company and that nowhere in these CFO dreams were any mention of a future with Frank. Frank takes Felicia to his basement and grills her about this and she gets teary-eyed, telling him that she does envision a future with him, but wants her kids to have all of the things she never did, and a powerful position in the business world would help guarantee that. 

Felicia’s not the only one in the hot seat, though.  Sal tells Frank that Christi is still super friends with her ex boyfriend.  Having been 21 only five years ago, Sal tells Frank that he knows that she probably still hooks up with her ex, which is what most 21 year olds who are still pals with their ex do. Christi makes with the water works when Frank asks her about it, but then calmly tells him he’s more than welcome to give him a call and ask him for herself to let him know everything is kosher.  Frank calls Christi’s ex and asks them about her relationship and Christi’s ex conversationally tells him that they still bang.  Frank walks out of the room and Christi asks her ex what he said.  As he tells her he (lied) that they still bump uglies, Christi breaks down in tears and tells her ex that she will never talk to him again.  

At eliminations, Kerry gets the first key of the evening and Melody, formerly a dark horse in the competition, gets the second.  Cathy, who Frank says he missed haring talk, gets the third.  At eliminations, I’m honestly surprised Mama Maresca didn’t say anything  about Cathy looking whore-riffic with a skin-tight dress that resmbles more of a bikini with cutouts and a skirt. Really… It was that slut-tastic. Annie gets the next key and Frank says she’s very special to him.

Felicia and Christi are in the bottom two.  Before he makes his decision, Frank once again Christi about her ex.  She tells him that her ex had lied and if she had been lying, there would have been no way she would have given him the phone.  Frank’s parents believe Christi is telling the truth, but later admit that at 21, she’s just a little too young for Frank and wasn’t too good with kids.  At the end of eliminations, Frank gives Felicia the key and wants her to think about incorporating him into her “five-year-plan.”

After “spending time with his kids,” which is actually code for “going on a massive bender,” Tom Sizemore comes back to Dr. Drew’s Pasadena rehab facility.  His younger girlfriend, Monroe, is in tow, hanging all over him and making with the smooches all over him as she accompanies him inside. 

Monroe will certainly not be pleased to know that Tom’s ex, Heidi Fleiss is holed up in the same rehab facility, particularly after she goes off on a tangent that she lives in “Heidi Hell.”  Apparently, Tom still brings up his past relationship with the former Hollywood madam on a daily basis.  Monroe wishes that he would just get over it and she could have his full attention in their relationship.

Somehow, I doubt that Heidi is the reason for Tom’s diverted attention, judging by how strung out Tom is when he returns to the facility.  When Shirley, the Facility Manager, goes through his clothes to make sure he doesn’t have anything, she finds Sizemore’s sizeable stash that he brought in with him.  The haul Tom smuggled in with him includes:  a balloon full of heroin with enough for more than one good high; matches; Viagra; Coke and/or Crystal Meth.  Shirley suspects that Tom’s girlfriend brought the heroin in for him, but the rest is all Tommy Boy.   

Tom is put into detox and warned that he cannot do this and bring drugs into the facility before he goes for another counseling session with Dr. Drew.

In a group session and talk time outside, Mackenzie Phillips talks about her bizarre relationship with her father.  (In a voiceover, Dr. Drew mentions her incestuous relationship with Papa John Phillips that she did not reveal to her fellow rehab-mates.) She tells the gang that she used to shoot up with her father and he would frequently ask her “Got any drugs for your old dad?”  Heidi and Lisa are aghast, not being able to fathom doing drugs with their father — or anything else with that matter.  Mike Starr (who’s relegated to background scenery this episode) is probably the only one who knows what it’s like to get high with his Pops on a regular basis, which could explain why they bonded.

While Mike stays in the background for most of this episode, Real World alumnus Joey Kovar (affectionately known as “Johnny Bravo” to his castmates) finally gets some face time.  In group therapy, he talks about how when he was a kid, he would always want to impress people by trying to share his huge bag of candy with him.  In turn, people never really liked him for who he was… Just his candy.  As an adult, swap out the candy for drugs and it’s still the same story with vultures of a different kind hovering around him. 

After feeling like he had a breakthrough and is doing okay, in swoop the vultures!  Joey’s girlfriend calls him, asking him when his check is coming. Joey is pretty irritated by this and flips out on his girlfriend on the phone.  She shouldn’t have called him in rehab to see when more money is coming her way.  When a few other people question him as to him not being a “gentleman” to his gal pal on the phone, it’s Rodman to the rescue and Dennis takes Joey’s side saying that it was his girlfriend who dealt the low blow, harassing him when he shouldn’t have to have things like that on his mind while trying to detox.  Dr. Drew notes that Joey is pretty antsy from detoxing from cocaine and it accounts for him struggling to control his rage when the cameras follow him around, making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. 

With all this pent-up aggression floating around, Dr. Drew and the staff come up with a constructive way for the patients to vent their frustrations.  Taking them outside, several used cars, old television sets, dishes and other very breakable objects of all sizes are waiting for the patients to smash the crap out of them.  They’ve even got a whole bunch of objects to destroy said other objects with! 

Mackenzie goes to town beating the crap out of a car. Everyone takes a whack at it with golf clubs, but she kicks it up a notch by heaving a bowling ball through the window.  She really goes to town on a television set, pretending it’s her father and smashing it open and breaking the screen. 

Not to be outdone, Joey smashes the living hell out of the car using the tried n’ true baseball bat to whack out the headlights, smash out the windows, and club in the hood of the car.  While Mackenzie “did it for Daddy,” Joey vents by-proxy on his mother for all of her abuse on him and not shelling out an extra $50 to get him wire framed glasses so the kids at school wouldn’t make fun of him.  (Trust me.  He actually makes a valid point.  As a childhood veteran of plastic frames before they became cool, it left you as quite a vulnerable target on the playground. For realz.)

After some more talk-time with Tom, Dr. Drew goes to the residence of a former patient in crisis, Kari Ann Peniche.  Kari Ann, a former beauty queen stripped of her title after she stripped for Playboy, is a raging sex addict with a fondness for speed and uppers.  As the resident trouble-maker, Kari Ann was asked to leave Sex Rehab.  Now, she’s rehab-bound and ready to upset the happy camaraderie that the gang who’s already been kicking around the Pasadena Rehab Facility for the past four weeks have established if the previews are any indication.

This week’s episode of A Basement Affair doesn’t see much happening until the last quarter of the show when one of the girls is revealed to be something she’s not.  Things kick off in the usual way, with Renee still being the de facto object of hatred of the girls in the house.  In spite of making nice with her, most of the girls still hate her. 

The focus on Ren-hate soon shifts to this week’s challenge: A game of bikini baseball in which the winning, scantily clad team earns themselves a gang date with Frank.  The girls show up to the field wearing all manner of string bikinis, thigh-highs and other outfits that Mama Maresca vehemently disapproves of.  She has particular disdain for Dana’s get-up, complete with garter belt, sniping that Dana’s supposed to be studying to be a lawyer but looks like a burlesque dancer.  Oh, Mama! Lighten up already!

The challenge begins and the girls are split into two oh-so-creatively and stereotypically named teams: Team Spaghetti, captained by Chatty Cathy and Team Meatballs helmed by Cathy’s pal, Kerry. The girls trade their bikinis for slightly less scanty uniforms consisting of cut-off shirts and booty shorts and prepare to get soaked sliding on the wet t-shirt contest-esque Slip n’ Slides between the bases.  Frank is pretty stoked at combining his two things: hot women and baseball.  Mama Maresca is less than thrilled. 

The game itself is pretty uneventful with the exception of Annie being picked dead last by Team Meatballs, striking out several times, and then becoming Frank’s “Cinderella Story”/MVP with the bases loaded and hitting a run that brought the girls home and gave Team Meatballs the win.  Renee shows some humanity and seems a lot less creepy when she says she’s happy for Annie and that she knows how much it sucks to be picked last.   

The five girls from Team Meatball (including Kerry, Felicia, Annie, Melissa, and Renee) go on their date with Frank for a romantic Coney Island date complete with wine and Squeeze Cheese.  Meanwhile, Team Spaghetti gets dinner with Frank’s parents… And a very special surprise guest, Uncle Benny.  Uncle Benny is Mama Maresca’s brother and pretty damn hot for an older dude.  The hot factor suddenly goes down just a bit when he has the girls play a guessing game as to what his job is.  Surprise!  Uncle Benny is a funeral director! Please pass the green beans!

At dinner, Jenny reveals to Mama and Papa Maresca and the rest of Team Spaghetti that she never had a boyfriend before, or at least a long-term relationship. Mama Maresca takes her to the side and asks her to help her get desert.  Initially, Jenny sets her radar off, thinking there’s something fishy because there’s no way someone as attractive as Jenny has never had a boyfriend.  She tells Mama Maresca that she’s much more conservative than the other girls and that she wants to take things slow and get him to like her for who she is, not because she’s slobbering all over him.  Mama initially didn’t buy it, but then finds Jenny’s approach to be classy, saying that this was probably what she would have done.  (Prepare to put your foot in your mouth, Mama.)

Meanwhile, back at Coney Island, Annie gets alone time with Frank (even though she’s wearing a hideous, clingy red jumpsuit with wide patent belt).  The ensemble is very Peg Bundy and for as awful as it is, Annie’s got the body to pull it off.  On their date, she’s cute, classy, and fun and Annie leaves Frank wanting more on their date and enjoying the time they spent with each other.  Renee, on the other hand acts weird. Weirder than usual, actually.  She attempts to up the ante and prove herself a sexual creature by asking Frank all sorts of uncomfortable questions about whether he’s had sex in public and if he’s considered joining the Mile High Club.

When the Renee gets back to the house, she feels like she made an ass out of herself and gets on the horn with her mother, seeking advice.  Like any good Italian mama, she tells Renee that she needs to be herself and to focus.  It’s very sound, almost Zen advice, but it’s a bit hard to take all this Yoda/Master Po stuff when it’s said in a Brooklyn accent

After receiving a note in his door from Jenny about how she wants to spend more time with him and have them get to know one another, Frank gets to thinking.  But not in the way that Jenny would like.  Frank starts feeling that Jenny hasn’t been completely honest with him.  He follows his hunch and looks up Jenny online and gets more than he bargained for … and a whopping eye-full at that.  Frank then goes to inform his parents about their findings. 

Elimination time rolls around and Annie (who looks really pretty and classy in a plain, floor-length black dress with spaghetti straps) is given the first key for the second week in a row.

Felicia gets the second key based on her ability to be honest, trustworthy, hot, and sarcastic.  The rest of the girls are given keys to Frank’s basement and it comes down to Renee and Jenny (again) in the Bottom Two.

Renee is called forward and Frank asks her why she thinks the other girls don’t like her. She claims it’s jealousy.  WRONG!  Frank then suggests that perhaps she’s not strong enough to handle a relationship with him.  Renee starts crying and tells him the tears aren’t because she’s weak, but because she has a soul.  This week, Renee doesn’t seem quite as bad or as psycho as she has in the past few weeks.  She’s just a little excitable and socially awkward. 

It’s all well and good because Renee stays yet another week because Frank’s going to eliminate Jenny who’s got some ‘splainin’ to do.  At elimination time, Frank ponies up a photo of Jenny in front of his parents and the other girls that he downloaded online. The photo itself is blurred out, so the viewers at home can only imagine that Jenny’s got her boobs hanging out in the picture.  Frank admits to the camera that although he’s a connoisseur of internet porn and while Jenny’s nudie picture wasn’t the most shocking thing he’d ever seen, it was the fact that she portrayed herself one way and was actually very different. The Marescas rip into Jenny on her way out, that Jenny’s not there for Frank and will be there to further her (nudie?) career.  Even Papa Gary pipes up and reads her the riot act, or as much of a riot act that low-key Gary is capable of. 

On her way out the door, Jenny gives up trying to defend herself and tells the camera on her exit interview that she knows she can do better than a guy who has no ambition to move out of his parents’ house.  Ouch.

Next week, yet another girl betrays Frank’s trust.  Hooo boy!

Things start off with Celebrity Rehab getting their money’s worth out of last week’s breakthrough moment with Mindy McCready having a seizure, doing a header off of her bed, and Mackenzie Phillips finding it simply hilarious… Until she realizes Mindy isn’t faking.  The medics come a-runnin’ and gradually bring Mindy out of it before loading her into the ambulance.  For some reason, Dennis Rodman’s heart grows three sizes that day and he rushes out to the ambulance to talk to Mindy as she’s being wheeled away and to offer words of reassurance.  Aww, looks like Rodman’s coming around.

Afterwards, it’s revealed that Mindy dislocated her shoulder in the fall from her seizure, which will eventually require surgery.  (Which, hopefully. means she won’t get addicted to painkillers and other meds following such.)  Dr. Drew recommends anti-seizure therapy for a year to her. 

From there, Dr. Drew spends some quality time with Heidi Fleiss, who has been in hibernation mode during her detox.  Dr. Drew mentions that this is typical for people who are detoxing from multiple substances.  He pays a visit to her room and asks her about the colorful photos of her parrots above her bed and Heidi hanging out with her birds.  (About 10 years ago, during Heidi’s heyday as a madam, that would have made for a tremendous double-entendre.) She says she misses her feathered friends and Drew privately addresses the camera in voice over mode, thinking that her bird-love masks deeper issues. 

In group therapy, Heidi gets some more time in the sun and the topic for the day is addressing that it’s not good for addicts to be alone for too long.  He notes that this is a group experience and the group needs to share more with one another and show who they really are.  Heidi tells everyone they would be horrified to know who she really is/was, mentioning that she had learned how to be really nasty from some equally nasty women when she was training to become a madam. She defines prostitution as the influence of money on your life, citing that money is something that makes your whole world easier.

Dr. Drew then asks Rodman whether money had made his life easier.  Dennis answers that money didn’t really make him happy.  He was an athlete and did what he did for the love of the game.  Somehow, the subject turns towards Rodman’s crazy parties involving his house being open to a bunch of people and that he had no idea who half the guests were.  This wasn’t really something that made Rodman happy. 

Following up with Mindy’s seizure, Dr. Drew sends her to a brain specialist who does a scan of her brain, showing that when she drinks and if she continues drinking, Mindy’s brain will look like Swiss cheese.  She continues to deny much in the way of drug abuse, but balks when the specialist shows her an image of what her brain looks like and notices  lot of damage to her temporal lobe. Mindy recounts how her ex had clobbered her several times in this spot, banging the bottom of her head against the headboard.  She also seems to be somewhat scared after being shown the specialist’s scan of her brain’s blood flow and activity patterns, and how awful it looks when her brain swells after drinking. 

After all that doom and gloom, it’s time for a cookout and inviting supportive family and friends to the rehab center for the newly detoxed gang! A friend of Mike’s arrives with a baggie for him… A baggie of official Mike Starr/Alice in Chain guitar picks.  He hands them out to his friends, giving Mackenzie the first one.  (As it stands now, Mackenzie seems to be the Miss Congeniality of Celebrity Rehab 3, being a good friend to nearly everyone in the facility.)  Mike also makes up with resident technician Shelly and gives her a pick.  He excitedly tells her about a deal that he made and will have a Spector Mike Starr signature bass.  Shelly seems happy for him, but is her usual socially awkward self when she tells him that she hopes he doesn’t shoot the proceeds from the bass into his arm.  There’s tough love for ya, kiddies!

Heidi also has a friend who shows up, a cute, elderly woman with a walker and a snazzy outfit named Patty.  She talks with a gravelly voice and tells Heidi how she’s proud of her and always kept her press clippings.  Patty is freakin’ adorable and seems very supportive of Heidi.  I’m wondering if she’s an old madam.  That would rock. 

Throughout the festivities, Dr. Drew and Bob are trying to track down Tom Sizemore to come on down to the Pasadena Rehab facility and enroll.  They finally break him down and get him to come in.  Tom’s all sorts of buggy and creeped out that Heidi is there and he will have to deal with her at some point.  Dr. Drew releases him into the facility to meet with his fellow 12-Steppers and Tom instantly tries to latch onto Dennis Rodman, who’s working out on the treadmill.  Dennis and his Ed Hardy shirt seem to be incredibly disinterested in Tom, although Mike Star seems to be desperate for a friend and attempts to cozy up to Sizemore.

Giving Heidi a heads up, the gang busts in to tell Heidi that her ex is here. We learn that they were really in love once… for two whole months!  Initially, Heidi does not seem pleased and jumps out of bed. She runs down the hallway to find Tom.  When she finds him, instead of clocking him, she gives him a big hug and breaks down crying, happy to see him.  Dr. Drew is touched by this show of affection, and so is Tom.

However, that doesn’t stop Sizemore from trying to weasel his way out of the facility for the night to tuck in his kids.  Dr. Drew assumes that “tucking in his kids” may be a euphemism for “scoring some drugs and bringing them back,” and isn’t too keen to let him go.  Apparently, there’s no stoppin’ Sizemore.

Tune in next week, which, if the previews are any indicator, someone sneaks some really good dope back into rehab with them.